Tuesday, September 5, 2006

Smashed, Smacked, Spanked!

"With smashed windows, we smacked our foreheads, and we had prepare to get spanked soon" - Fatass Michelle.

Nice cushion seat you have, Mich!

I have tried my best to questioned Servant *001 about the smashed window. Her responses were much likely questionable. It took minutes to ease off her queasiness. I make her a cup of hot coffee. Not a sign of sympathy though. It is just to remind her about her chapped lips...

Whisky : Take your time... Come on, take a sip...
Servant *001 : Thank you, Master. I'd appreciate it very much. (*slurpp*)

Within minutes, she goes hyper. She was sweating profusely; gasping for more oxygen from the thin air. This is not what I have expected though. This is pathetic... Oh dog! I'm speechless... Although the doors were closed, I still can hear the loud croaking voice of Servant *001's uncle bragging about the benefits of his new invention of Tongkat Ali Coffee. Boy oh boy... Things are going wrong... So wrong...

Uncle : Ooi, where is the cup that I call you to hold ah? Where do you put it?
Whisky : Oh boy...
Uncle : Aiyo, I have a date with Marilyn and Monroe tonight la. Siti, please make me 2 cups of Tongkat Ali Coffee.
Whisky : Phew...

No more hot coffees this time. Hot Lavender tea was served to soothe her woes.

Whisky : Don't show me that woebegone face again! Show it to your parents...
Servant *001 : But... but....
Whisky : Told you to take the detachable CD player with you! But you won't listen! Hmphh! Serves you right!
Servant *001 : How do you know?!

Whisky : Sarjan Rosli relayed the incident to me. I must say that you are very lucky though!
Servant *001: Lucky?! You are way out of your mind, Master!

Whisky : Isn't bumping into hot gorgeous police officers with strong physique considered luc-kee?
Servant *001: (*drools*)

Whisky : Musing again?! Let's get back to the main topic; to clarify the statements you have just make.
Servant *001 : Potong stim la... (*frowns*)

Their first pit stop; Wangsa Maju's. Those polices are the most friendliest people I've ever met - Servant *001

Their second pit stop; Sentul's

Real hot hunks over there - Servant *001


This is where I park my Rolls Royce everyday - Whisky

They had a chit-chat session with Sarjan Rosli - his BAHASA BAKU is cunn!

The drunkard was chasing away both of my servant's. Yelling "Mau cari gado? I carik lu!!!"

Erm.... hitched???

A more detailed investigation is required. Hence, I have made a promise to lend a leg. ( Generally, dogs have no HANDS ). Photos were posted for the sake of the "evidence".

Evidence 1; Police Report

Evidence 2; Pix of the car's accs

Whisky : When was it?
Servant *001 : Not today.
Whisky : What day was it?
Servant *001 : Holi-day.

Answer me wisely... Or I'll hit you with this!!!

Whisky held up his electric baton, showing no mercy...

Hmmpph... this baton is heavy!

Servant *001 : Friday, 1633pm.
Whisky : That's more like it... Hmm, what happened?

Servant *001 : Car break-in.


Oh my dog, my bohhh-ttleee - Molly

Whisky : Where?
Servant *001 : In a public parking lot, in front of TAR college.

Servant *001's shadow...

My mini-fan!

Whisky : How do you find out that your car was 'ripped off'?
Servant *001 : Molly told me. She said she notice bits of glass glistening on the pavement nearby.

I can't help it! "I WANT BUTTIE!!!"


Nice cushion

Whisky : Window smashed?
Servant *001 : Abuden?! Bare wires can be seen protruding from the dash and the CD player was ripped off from the kick panels.
Whisky : Anything stolen?
Servant *001 : A detachable CD player, and a Touch N' Go Card.

Full view

Closer view

Whisky : That's all?
Servant *001 : (*hold onto her fist*)
Whisky : Okay, okay, that was one of my lame joke... By the way, what car was it?
Servant *001 : A Canary... I mean, a blue Kenari.
Whisky : (*face full of dissapointment*). I think you better keep this incident to yourself...

Servant *001 : But.. but...
Whisky : No butt... I mean, no BUT...

Servant *001 : =.='
Whisky : See you the next time when your BMW's window get smashed!!

Yeah, I'd admit that I was too harsh on her. I'm a DOG. So, bear with me... Btw, do take good care of your car because simple break-in's may cause various repercussions;

Blood... blood... Nah, just a minor cut

Your lunch (if you'd like to put your lunch box etc in your car) might be eaten by someone else

With no windows, you'll be feeling a lil proud

Fork out your monthly income just to buy the detachable CD-player back

Anyway, here are some steps to avoid car theft and break-ins... Take good care of your car and be ALERT at all times...
  • Keep the car locked and windows rolled up.
  • Choose a well-lit parking lot where it is near lots of people.
  • Keep valuables in your car hidden.
  • Invest in a detachable CD player.
  • Consider buying a visible mechanical locking device to lock the steering wheel.
  • On an auto theft alarm system.
  • Last but not least, leave ME in your car - the safest and the cheapest!
ME :)

Signing out;
Master Whisky.De.Bordeaux

Sunday, September 3, 2006

Molly's 19th Buttday

I should have posted this one on the 31st of August to mark up my servant's buttday; Molly. Not Fatass Michelle though. She told me that she's just 18 this year. I could hardly believe the statement she have just made. Gonna buy Mich a mirror for her buttday this year. See, I'm a caring and an honest person... I mean, a caring and an honest master. I treat them like my best-butts. As the old saying goes, "A dog is a man's best friend". Vice versa. Anyway, I overheard a conversation between servant *001 and servant *002 on the day before servant *002's buttday. They did plan out something though. The good news is they are going somewhere not far from servant *002's home to celebrate. Yay! Yay! I'll hire a whole bunch of chefs to make a sumptuous meal for that. Yum~

And here's the bad news; I'm not invited! Oh my dog?! Are you gurls serious??? Come ON! I'm Master Whisky. I should be the VIP guest. And I should be invited! Grr!!! I'm still in utter disbelief that you servants are planning this without me. You gurls make my hackles rise! Dogged!

I'm pretty mad. Thanks to Molly and Mich. Anyway, I will keep my promise. Like what I had said just now, I will hire a bunch of chefs just for the sake of servant *002's buttday. I'll handle everything - from hiring chefs to choosing the tastiest cuisine. FYI, I'll manage the food menu too. And by the way, I'm kinda vengeful when it comes to dealing with my fatass owner.

When those servants around me are upset, it is so hard for me to resist the temptation to say "Relax! Calm yourself down. Stop chewing flip-flops and stop yapping!" On the other way round, no one comforts me when I'm upset. A few words of consolation is better than none. Hmm, there's one though! She is... Fatass's!!! Nah, Fatass Mich won't be that nice to me. I'm referring to Fatass's mom! How NICE is NICE? The four letter-word; "F-O-O-D" came across my hungry stomach. I mean "came across my mind"... I was too hungry... Bear with me...

Yay! I'd get to try some of fatass's mom's dishes. Hurray! Briyani eh?! Hmm, the citrus lemon flavor (from the lil' chick) is now too hackneyed to thrill my tastebuds. Nah, just kidding. A pleasing presentation, at my very first impression. Good thing to start off my meal because it does help my other senses start to anticipate something enjoyable is about to happen. Eating IS enjoyable! Never-the-less, I categorized myself as a true hedonist whereby pleasure is at the top of my list. Loyalty remains last. Anyway, not really tasty though (Fatass's mom gonna bang me with saucepans if she sees this). But do not worry! You won't end up on the hospital bed. So, bon appetit~

I AM a food enthusiast. Therefore, I am easily enthralled by food. Any food for the matter. I eat ANYTHING as long as it is edible. Ranging from AH YAT abalone to small pieces of toilet rolls...

Had a few dog-fights with my problematic servants. Servant *001 had promised to take-away some of the leftovers, and write a detailed report of the activities that they have layed out the day before for servant *002's buttday. I've just receive the report this morning. I've wanted to publish this post a.s.a.p but I'd need Mich's report to do so. So, it's impossible to publish it on the 31st since Mich is a slowpoke... So, lemme summarize the report for you guys...

  • Late evening - Wednesday - 30th of August; the day before our Malaysia's Independence Day

  • Chosen Milwaukee's Steakhouse, Kajang, since it is not far from Molly's and Mich's home - Rang up Mich - Had reminded Mich to tapau some proper meals instead of leftovers

  • Parked the car - Walked towards Milwaukee's Steakhouse but it was chock-a-block - Plan ruined - Manage to catch a glimpse of their decor

  • Saw 7-eleven's - Celebrating Molly's buttday in 7-eleven's will be fun - While heading towards 7-eleven's - Saw a restaurant that serves fine Italian cuisine - This is it! - Mmm, Calabria

  • Classical songs with mellifluous tunes were played - from their amplifier - not live performances though - (Added info: A few bars of melodies drifted towards us. Malar, Molly and Mich were swayed away by the melodic tunes though. Elvis Castello's; She, Al Green's; Lean On Me, Frank Sinatra's; Under My Skin... Loads of it! Here's the fun part; one of the high notes had unexpectedly hit Mich right on her face... *Smacked* Mich didn't hit the high notes though. FYI, she can't sing. She barks... Lolxx. Me and my satanic remarks.) - Ordered Rice Baked With Cheese, Pizza Quarto and Pizza Tonno - And drinks - Take-away pastas for Master Whisky - Rice Baked With Cheese was sooooo freaking delicious

  • Rice Baked With Cheese was indeed cheesie-li-cious - Rice, chicken broth, heavy whipping cream, shredded cheddar cheese, grated parmesan cheese and tomatoes...

  • Pizza Tonno - Tuna, eggs, mayonaise, mozarella cheese and stewed tomatoes...

  • Pizza Quarto - Half of it was Pizza Tonno - The other half was Chicken Pepperoni Pizza...

  • Malar have a try on Pizza Quarto - She preferred Pizza Quarto than Pizza Tonno - Both pizzas were extremely flat - Looks like naan topped with cheese etc

  • Malar smiled for the cam-mee-rahh - Molly frowns - Mich was probably busy eating

  • Molly felt disgusted - Lolxx - Just kidding

  • Finished the food - Time for desserts

  • Molly opened the green THINGY - Duh, it's a box...

  • Ta-daa!!! - A cake bought from Bread Story - Small - VERY small...

  • Molly lights up the candle - With a lighter of course - They do plan to use a match stick at first

  • Cake's ready - Candle's ready - Light's off! - Malar, Miche and Kidd sang the buttday song with gusto

  • At the very end of the song - Molly started to show off her new YOGA pose

  • 19th - Not 1 year old though :P

  • Molly stopped - She asks for more - More wishes...

  • Boyfriends - Friends - SMS's - Wishing her a happy buttday

  • Time waits for no man - Cut the cake - NOW!!!

  • Molly was perplexed - Mich was drooling - Mathematicals' calculation were used - equal - fair and square

  • It must be Mich - Look at her mouth - And belly... Lolxx

  • Up-close and personal - Strawberries - Peaches - Blueberries - Layers of cakes - Whipped cream - And CHOCOLATE!

  • Molly unwrapped her presents - And looking at the "home-made" birthday card

  • Malar looks on - Molly mimicking me; Whisky!

  • Closer view of the card - Teddies - Alphas'

  • "Bill please!" - Paid - Molly make a decision; to walk home

  • Malar was stunned - And stupified - She looked drop-dead-serious! - Lolxx

  • Malar and Molly went home - Same goes to Mich

  • It was one "peaceful" celebration - Lolxx - Mich said she enjoys herself - Weehoo - Happy Buttday, Molly :)

That was it. The summary of Mich's report. Short and simple. Oh yeah, Happy Belated Buttday, Molly. May god bless you in your future undertakings. One cool and obliging servant over here! Keep it up! *smiled sheepishly*

Woofed by,
Master Whisky.De.Bordeaux